so men, some men, some people, some day say that they could once do something. this something is usually something that they note they did well, especially when compared with others. 'i used to play a mean rhythm master' an old jazz cat thinks as he merges columns in an excel document. this something, this thing, for me is 'i used to clean a mean bathroom.'

my first wife (i like to assume) said to her family's maid--which, surprisingly, i was not related to--'kevin can clean a bathroom better than you.' this was when i was living with my mother. we lived just west of nowhere, and from my room i could view a silo and black smoke from when the reservation was protesting state tax policies by burning tires. how these condos were ever built, well, how is rather simple, tho it involves a long process with surveyors, architects, town planners, construction workers, electricians, etc. why they were ever built, well, why is rather simple, to make profit. i ask horribly stupid questions.

i think the reason i used to clean a mean bathroom is twofold: one, to impress girls (my mom and my first wife (i like to assume)). two, because other people's dirt truly disgusted me. i feel awful for having had this thought. i came out coated in my mother into this world. perhaps it is that drama, that reminder of debt, that reminder of mortality, that made me want to have a sterile environment as i tried in vain to clean myself at least five times a week. humorously enough, i believe it was around this time that i began to not wash my hair as much so as to have a 'just woke up' look about me.

to stop looking at the past, as long as that is possible, is a noble goal. it is also what i am going to try and do presently. now, i still can clean with great abilities--i tested in the 98th percentile--but it happens with much less frequency. this began after i moved out of the house i owned with my wife. it all just became my dirt. i should mention, i am relatively bald. i havent had a hairstyle that requires me, or even asks me, to use a brush or a comb in years. all hair that falls is hair that falls from my body. it falls in legions. there is a toupee in my bathroom drain. i look at the refuse in my bathroom, for example, tho this does extend to my apartment at large, and i think 'meh'.

it is fascinating how we can so quickly distance ourselves from what was once part of us. the most clear examples is feces, of course. of course, i am a male writing about feces now. jesus christ. i used to also be progressive. there may be a curiosity as to when i no longer was progressive, but that would be in the past and try as i may, i am typing about the present.

i start off thinking 'meh'. a week goes by. perhaps more. i begin to worry about how effective my drain will be in my shower. time passes. i have reached a point where i am disgusted at what once was mine! oh, existential crisis! i dont know if i should weep, mourn, simply clean, burn, or not even bother with these thoughts, but, oh, they are indeed there!

my apartment now smells of bleach, i have cleaned, scrubbed, and gathered the pieces of my body. i am scared to take a shower and begin the process all over again.

sorry to see he has changed tense. this was an eerie read tonight.

ron silliman looks like santa claus

Elephant under police investigation

Bewildered police, for the first time, are to investigate an elephant on charges of assault on a person.

The unprecedented case was reported to the Gwangjin Police Station on Monday in which a 48-year-old woman surnamed Kim claimed to have been hit with large stones, thrown by an elephant, according to police officials yesterday.

Kim was talking a walk on Monday morning in the Children's Grand Park Zoo in eastern Seoul, when she was knocked down by a blow to the back of her head.

When she recovered from the initial shock, she found two stones close by, each the size of a grown-up's fist.

The only potential aggressor that she could see in the perimeter was the elephant in a nearby cage, she said during police questioning.

Despite the dull pain in her head, Kim went back home after reporting the incident to the zoo's control office

However, as her pain intensified, she decided to visit a hospital in the evening and was told the injury was worse than she thought, for which she decided to hold the elephant responsible.

"No one else other than that elephant could have thrown those stones at me," Kim said to the police. "The park should take responsibility for neglecting to supervise the animal."

The police are checking CCTV tapes and questioning zoo officials, in response to this unprecedented case.

The Korea Herald September 16th, 2009

my job suddenly feels a bit justified. this is helpful for me existentially. also, i am under the impression i am getting better at it. i am learning korean. at least taking classes. when a language has a grammar that is drastically different--subject object verb--bringing in native speakers makes sense. further, it seems the criteria to become an english teacher in korea, for koreans, is different than has been my experience with foreign language teachers in primary, secondary, and university. in the US, all of my teachers seemed to be (?) fluent. all of them had spent time in a place with native speakers of that language. this is not the case for the people i teach with. this isn't a knock on them, necessarily. it just is. i have had a korean english teacher who has never left asia who has a firm handle on english (listening, speaking, writing). back to my korean class. the fact that any languages translate is amazing, but, again, when the grammar is different, it blows my mind. for example (literal translation)
케빈씨: 용씨가 예기 있어요? Yong here is?
미현씨: 아니요. 없어요. No, not here.
케빈씨: 그렴, 용씨가 어디에 있어요? Then, Yong where here is?
미현씨: 용씨가 권주에 있어요. Yong Gwang-ju (a city in Korea) is.
obviously, my korean is v basic. when the grammar gets more complicated, and oh it will, things will even be further away from my native grammatical structure. right now, it has sort of a cute yoda effect.

other things of note

in august i went to viet nam, good country. haven't been to a place where i am clearly am more wealthy than the majority of the population before, which caused some discomfort. in korea (at least urban korea) i am nothing special economically. not rich, not poor. people with my job in viet nam live in a bubble. it is attractive in some ways (and the variety of food, and the skill with which it is prepared, not to mention the coffee), but i am not sure i could do it for longer than 6 months or so. luckily, that is about how long it would take to get certified should i choose to do so.

i am taking the month of september off of drinking and i like it. i miss having *a* beer, but i also know that moderation and i aren't pals. not that i need to get *wasted* but if i am to drink, i usually will have 4~6 beers. kev 6 pack. last wednesday i went for a night hike with a small group. some of that small group were drinking. christ, booze can make one obnoxious, or at least irritating. one thing that was a frightening realization is that since 14 i have been at least smoking cigarettes. this is the first month, then, in 18 years that i am absolutely clean.

a touch nervous, i am headed to taipei october 1st which is the soonest i can have a drink. i am a big fan of cuisine, which includes local alcohols. but i cant read or speak chinese at all, so think it may be disastrous, riotous, or memorable, or or or getting drunk in taipei on chinese spirits especially as i will lack a tolerance.

kinda skipped over the culture i've been swallowing lately. lots of good art up now as fall starts. miru kim has been a highlight. the world brought me to her show since i received emails about her work, people on facebook mentioned her, and i read a newspaper article about her in the korean herald.

okay, there is more to type, but i am getting tired. hopefully i will be back soon.

Hello Teachers,

If you are traveling outside of Korea for break, You will be
quarantined at home for a week before you can go back to school.
Please try to stay home and give yourself time to see if you have
symptoms of any illness/sickness.

If you do feel sick, please rush to the nearest hosptial for
treatment.

During this week, we advise you to stay home and try to avoid being in
crowded areas. You will not be deducted vacation days nor will this
count as sick leave. During this quarantine week, you will not be
deducted from your pay. No makeup is required. (Only from normal work.
22 Hrs per week. Special clases that has to be made up will be
determined by your school)

We send out offical documents to all the public school in the Seoul
area.



Thank you,

Jon Pak
Program Coordinator

kevin! The thing which when comes in the world Oh!? The quickly friend and the beer has a

drink and wants and the gruel should! Vietnam is stylish like that thing Oh!? I will forget and as

i will throw away the beggar who is playing fun? some time goes to your house hotly but Oh and the soccer

which hits to you in Vietnam is many awareness buying soccer flaw Vietnam sees the Adidas

factory the new product ~ healthily knock-down place together many many anyhow plentifully, play fun and come ^^